Agony and Irony

i dont know what to think

2011-10-23T17:30:00.000-07:00

I've been wanting to write to you, to say something....
I have no feelings left to enjoy. The things that make me happy are all so far away from being something i can do when ever , to being something I wish i had time to do. I can't even cry to get over anything anymore. It wont matter. I have a huge amount of emotional... i dont know what. I want to say those words and hear them back in the same . I want to feel like I have a family ; or have some one to care for. I have no love... I just work , eat, and sleep. and stare blankly into this screen. I miss conversation and being touched. Just a hug. I dont have a room, a bed, or even a desk.. just my friends couch who's apartment allows me more of a home feeling than I have with my own family.

The only part of my self pity I cant get rid of is all of my rejections. Courtney, Angel, Meghan, Emma, Jackie, Mallory, Anna. Only ONE of them ever loved me the same way at the same time as I loved them ...and she's an interesting mess her self now.

I just want to see the next 78 days gone and me getting on the plane to Illinois for boot camp.
Im just waiting in limbo here for my life to start.
I'd take her back if I had a chance just because I dont want to be alone. I know a lot about all of them.. except for Anna who I just can't get anywhere near. Its not easy getting to know someone who has a boyfriend barrier from Idaho.

Get me out of here

2011-10-07T07:47:00.001-07:00

I Want to be social , but I want a real chance to get to decide so. Not just be social because my roommates woke up and I live on the couch so im in the way. I would love to wake up in my room and bed and get up get dressed while behind the privacy of my own bed. I understand homeless people a little more. Not having a bed is really detrimental to your self confidence. it's like .. oh no one wants you here... I' cAnt bargain for this to get better because it's just not going to. Some human physical attention would be nice . I won't find love in 90 days but anything would be good for me.
Not a hooker ... at least not one I was aware of. Maybe to just feel like I was part of my own family ...

what I have in my head.

2011-09-20T12:12:00.001-07:00

confidence .
control
solace
regret

rebuild

2011-09-10T17:56:00.001-07:00

I feel homeless. or just almost there. not quite alive or dead or together or alone. I don't have time for people who need me or time or space for myself. I do want someone to care for , to love . I've just picked the wrong ones to try with. and I keep going back to them. the definition of crazy is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. every girl I'm with is a repeat. I think I'm going to tar , feather and burn these bridges. I cared a lot about all of you. my life has had interesting and stupid circumstances to my everyday life. none that I have really chosen.

i don't know that it will ever be the same but I have to make myself sane.

great birthday weekend

2011-08-27T18:48:00.001-07:00

LISA

2011-08-14T21:29:00.001-07:00

i joke, you laugh I smile you sigh
I kiss you you smile I hold you
last night i just shouldn't have told you about the people that had no effect on anything about us.
Before there is an US.
I can't take you with me
You cant hold me through this story I'm living
and who knows if you're in the next chapter at all.
I just want to read through it and make what we've got something to remember
to hold on to as a memory that makes you feel like its happening all over again.

4days wasn't enough.

downtown wating

2011-08-06T12:45:00.001-07:00

I wait and wait and think and dream but easy is hidden behind time and experience

Drimking with clifferetres

2011-06-29T10:43:00.001-07:00

If it weren't for google apps I wouldnt know where I went last night

blink 182 songs

2011-06-06T22:51:00.001-07:00

why am i the one who gets fucked up over you?

bored

2011-06-05T13:58:00.001-07:00

the beggining

2011-06-03T20:44:00.001-07:00

I am a diesel engine man for the navy. I swore in on June 2nd 2011. I leave January 10th. I can't wait.

2011-03-26T21:46:00.001-07:00

112hrs. and i could have worked more.

2011-03-11T22:09:00.001-08:00

idk if i like that i can just flat out say.. i dont want anything to do with a person ive knwon for years now.

I'm not People, I am pure musician

2011-01-10T21:41:00.000-08:00

Not human real musician by OneSoul2burn

2011-01-08T21:26:00.000-08:00

If I lust, I want to run.
If I love I have to wait.

When you literally light up my world when I see face, how can I deny the world what my heart portrays
in ways that I can't ever put into words.
Thats where the musician in me lives.

Zuz Won The Match

2011-01-01T12:50:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year To Me.

This year will be my favorite.

Zusician

2010-08-27T21:13:00.000-07:00

I am a musician.
I notice every rhythm in the world.
I live to represent her.
To share her and love her.
To understand her and caress her when she is weak
and to give her to all that question her strength.
Music is beautiful and the love of my life.

Others would think I'm jealous of sharing her around the world.
But I will never pass a chance to share or enjoy her with others.
She embraced me when I was born and I will die next to her,
and I am left immortal through her.
I love you Music.

Outside.mpg

2010-07-26T13:43:00.000-07:00

2010-07-18T12:03:00.001-07:00

What , if any, artists album could describe your current life sittuation?

2010-07-03T16:42:00.001-07:00

oh yeah. someday..i wana roll around naked in money.. then go spend it at a casino and watch people touch it.

I don't really have herpes or do LSD.

2010-06-22T14:18:00.000-07:00

2010-04-30T15:13:00.001-07:00

I honestly have no clue what this key goes to...I've had it for 6 years.

Need More Beer.

2010-04-28T22:33:00.001-07:00

Another night, another bottle of beer to repress the memories of feelings I haven’t to enjoy in so long.
Another riff, another song I sing to myself to let go of the immediate pain I can’t heal that no one has caused purposely.
Friends are friends. Lovers are non-existent to me. Promises are broken, hearts are mended. And the holes remain…just a hole.

New Video From The Garage. "Theres nothing left but moving on"

2010-04-19T15:28:00.001-07:00

Music pains

2010-03-10T21:08:00.000-08:00

I just want to get through one song , the first time, in one recording.

I spent 2hours learning the song and another 2 trying to recording.
My fingers are literally torn and bleeding.
Foo Fighters.. you've beaten me for tonight
In the morning I shall FTW " UP IN ARMS" and make a good video.
will probably do an acoustic and electric version

FWD:

2010-03-08T12:42:00.001-08:00

my headphones are unplugged, but my ears are still listening to music in the air

Recording Software and You

2010-02-14T00:12:00.001-08:00

So I've come to a point in my musical life that I want to really get some good recordings of what I do. I've used so many programs and haven't been satisfied.
Its like Lisa Martinelly saying she's had enough big dick.. all lies.

I want the biggest and the best... PRO TOOLS. C'mon did you think i was going to say something vulgar and disgusting? ... Vaginitus!

I've used Adobe soundbooth, Audition, Sony Acid Pro and Sonic Foundry Source Forge 9.
weird versions of Sibelius and Finale. All which were great for their intended purposes but I needed them all in one. I've never looked at Pro tools because I assumed that it was just meant for Mac's and i know i will ruin a mac. PC 's i can tweak and change settings with. So I never knew that Pro tools did all the editing of Audition, the ease of setting it up to record of Acid and all the composing work of Sibelius or Finale. I just about lost my battle pants galactica.

Its on sale for 150$ this week. So i will most likely get it.
Also I found that Bestbuy has bundles with a microphone or a midi box, and i dont know why those are only 80$.

They're all marked with Pro tools.
I just think the ones with the accessories are lesser versions. I worry.
I need a whole product. I need it to be everything that pro tools can be.

I've read that it needs M-Audio equipment with it. I have a M-Audio Light snake.
its weird. but it works great for guitar so far.
Hey Jaime, I want use your guitar on a recording bring it or something.

The one thing i have not been able to do well on my own is creating a drum track.
I can play to a beat over and over, but thats a bassist kicking in.
I should probably play with a click track then place the drums in after around that click.

Im correcting myself as I type...

anyways, If anyone has any comments please email them dirrectly to me with this.

Onesoul2burn@gmail.com

CHEESY POEM WARNING You know this is for you.

2010-02-11T22:53:00.001-08:00

I love you, I loved her.
She had my heart, You stole it away.
She introduced me to you, You seduced me by 2.
I loved her 120%, You saved my life from unstoppable dread.
My heart beats in odd time, I cant desribe the doctors surprise
that i live on each day from being at rock bottom.
They said it couldnt be done.
I've proved them wrong , everyone sinlge son of a gun
I've loved you since day one.

2010-01-02T00:38:00.001-08:00

i havnt showered or slept in 3days. . . .

Its Bright out Tonight

2009-04-12T23:11:00.001-07:00

And I cant see my shoes across the road..

My arms aren’t at the wheel but my hands wont let it go.

This time I knew I wouldn’t make it home to you.

Not tonight, tonight I was ready for release of this flesh covered coffin.

The glass shards are finally itching that scratch on the inside of my throat I’ve been gnawing at for weeks.

I’m glad the wind is picking up again and again.

The wind reads firestone, the heat from the flames on my backseat are comforting.

I should have put the top down on my Van years ago, It seems so clean cut bent over the bridge up there.

Not tonight, tonight I was sure I’d get away from you forever and I guess this is as good as it gets

The sun is shinning its warning lights, Vampires beware it says.

The sirens getting louder and the sun shining its red and whites

Each Flash followed by a scream as if they knew the bliss I’ve had washed over me.

I’ve never felt so unafraid of police brutality.

Not tonight, Tonight I have no fear while you stare and scream at my shattered existence to get up and come home…

I know its a dark moment for you to hold my hand now...

Just put me in the ground and let me be free…

Not tonight, Tonight I’m ready to for it all to end

Just put me in the ground and let me be free.

NEW SONG

2009-04-09T00:51:00.000-07:00

Go to folder - FileFactory.com

Today has just made me think a lot.

The bank has cheated me out of TWO HUNDRED FIFTY-SIX DOLLARS AND 68cents.

If I hadn't left for NY maybe my great friend Garrett Cook would've been writing this song with me.

My Dad wastes money instead of investing it.

and I miss NY a whole lot.

anyways. Hope you enjoy the song.

give me feedback on my Myspace.

www.myspace.com/jesusplaysbass

Re-formatting Sucks.

2009-03-26T17:31:00.001-07:00

View Full Album

I lost over 50gbs of music because i had to reformat my hard drive the other day. Took me 7hours to back up my pictures…and a list of taunting album covers that I decided to throw up there while i piss and moan about the loss of my music I’ve had since Napster went up.

Oh well. I have the list. I must rebuild, but i don’t have a lot of money… so…In some way this wont be legal.

P.S. lost all my recordings as well.

To Tired to Sleep

2009-03-12T01:30:00.001-07:00

Been up at all hours to dream

Been asleep to long to know when I'm awake.

These days pass by without ever taking a break

My eyes cant take this mental state.

Dreaming of last night ,

I can't repeat the Future.

Thinking of last year

Will I waste that chance again?

Going down town to drink up

Coming up from depression

My smile hides the lie.

I've know all along,

That I've been unknowingly aware of my mistakes

Dreaming of last night ,

I can't repeat the Future.

Thinking of last year

Will I waste that chance again?

I'm so drunk No one knows I'm sober

The bottle's still full

but it's left my heart empty tonight

Dreaming of last night ,

I can't repeat the Future.

Thinking of last year

Will I waste that chance again?

( recording coming this weekend)

Comfortable

2009-03-08T19:12:00.000-07:00

It's what everyone should experience.
Love
Its when you shouldn't neglect the little things
Hate
Its when you've done to much and now I cant resolve my anger.

Don't take it out on me.
My hearts not yours
Don't lie to my face
I'm not someone you can override.

Trust
Is when I have nothing to hide
Disgust
Is when I know to much
Loathing
Is when I'm aware of who I am and I wonder why you've become a part of me.

Don't take it out on me
Because you can't hold it in
Don't take it out on me
I'm holding back
Don't Take it Out on me
This time you wont win.

(coming to audio soon)

2008-07-07T22:58:00.001-07:00

Hollow Dreams

2008-06-23T19:35:00.000-07:00

The words come to mind but no question posed.
The answers seem right .
Following the rabbit down the hole didn't bring me anywhere.
I learned on my own to make choices.
Taking every chance at hand I completed nothing
To start at the end with nothing but scratch.

My hollow dreams
Controlled by memories
My hollow dreams
Savoring self destruction
My hollow dreams free me.

I am what I cant be
The impossible wont hold me back
No soul survivor can change my mind
Once You know you wont succeed
Its done and no one knows you've done anything at all but change the beat of life.

My Hollow dreams
tear me apart
My hollow dreams
keep me holding on to
My hollow dreams
Change my life into everything I knew it never wouldn't be
My hollow dreams.

Take the sky for granted it wont change.
Your feet wont feel the same in 1000 miles Proclaimers of animosity
Whose house were you walking to? And did she know you were coming or were you just
successfully stalking your next victim of musical seduction?
Freedom is a word that only bends to those who don't understand it.
My vengeance will be fed. I walk the miles to complete the mission I vowed to do. I will not DISHONOR...

MY HALLOW DREAMS.

Agony and Irony

i dont know what to think

Get me out of here

what I have in my head.

rebuild

great birthday weekend

LISA

downtown wating

Drimking with clifferetres

blink 182 songs

bored

the beggining

I'm not People, I am pure musician

Zuz Won The Match

Zusician

Outside.mpg

I don't really have herpes or do LSD.

Need More Beer.

New Video From The Garage. "Theres nothing left but moving on"

Music pains

FWD:

Recording Software and You

*CHEESY POEM WARNING* You know this is for you.

Its Bright out Tonight

NEW SONG

Re-formatting Sucks.

To Tired to Sleep

Comfortable

Hollow Dreams

CHEESY POEM WARNING You know this is for you.